Robert's Love Letter to me

Fall 2011

Dear Melissa,

As the “…Lord God planted a garden in the east, in Eden…” (Genesis 2:8), he also planted you on this earth. “And the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground – trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food.” (Genesis 2:9). He also made you “pleasing to the eye” and “good for food.”

If the Lord planted the garden, I know it was beautiful. I have never seen the garden but know that it could be compared to the beauty I see in you. I can compare you to the food of the Garden of Eden – as the food was good for the man to eat for nourishment, you are good food for my soul and faith.

A flower is not perfect until a florist grooms it to be so. The flower is beautiful even before it has blossomed. You are my flower in the midst of blossoming. Even as you are, the Lord is pruning you to make you the way He wants you.

Baby, my beautiful flower…I am so happy to have you in my life and thankful that the Lord is allowing me to be a set of shears to help prune you.

I love you,

Robert

Robert Brown’s Salvation and the texts we shared…

The following texts are just the beginning of my journey with Robert, his relationship with Christ, and our friendship. It is so amazing that I had to share...especially now that he is going to be my husband soon. Praise God and thank you for unexpected surprises and miracles.

R - is Robert

M - is Melissa

7/12/11

R: I’m happy you’re getting a lot from God…I need to sit down and talk to him, but I’m afraid of the answers that he is going to give me. I guess I already know what the answers are so there is nothing to be afraid of. I just need to sit down and spend some time with him.

M: What answers are you afraid of that you already know?

R: About why things happen the way they do and why things that affect me that I feel shouldn’t and things that I feel should have did not.

M: That’s normal, and I’ve asked the same things…what do you think His answers are?

R: Just because it’s the way he wants it, and the rhyme and reason are not for me to understand.

M: Pretty good conclusion. Also remember that He gives us choices and instruction, and He always takes the ashes of what we’ve gone through and works thru us to use it, make us more dependent on Him and His will…and turns the darkness into something beautiful. I’ve seen it happen many times. God will turn our biggest weaknesses into our greatest strengths through him if we let Him. It’s awesome!

R: I agree he is working in my life to do so, and I know sometimes I just feel that it’s too much to handle.

M: Totally understand that feeling! That’s because He wants you to trust Him, turn it over and stop trying to sort it out by yourself. That’s what I’ve learned. It’s so much easier when I give it all back to Him, ask for help and strength.

R: And I know that, but to do it is a different story.

M: Yep I know. Trust me, I know it is. It isn’t easy to admit defeat and not be in control of what’s going to happen.

R: Exactly. Especially when I thought I had complete control for years before.

M: Yep…that’s an earth shattering realization and hard to accept.

R: LOL. Damn, you speak as if you understand.

M: I told you I do. More than you know.

7/14/11

M: Good morning! Just thinking about you. Read something I thought was cool this morning. “The only way to live the way Jesus called us to live is by His power.” Have an awesome day!

R: That’s cool! Thanks and you too.

7/15/11

M: Read this today: “God will give His best to those who leave the choice to Him.”

R: I learned that I need to leave it to God instead of my trying to lead my life where I want it…hmmm sort of sounds like what you just told me.

M: What part of the Bible were you reading?

R: I was reading from that little “Experiencing God” Bible study book you gave me to read. Hey, what do you get from Romans 3:10-11, especially the last part? “We adjust our lives to God so He will do through us what He wants to accomplish. God is not our servant, who needs to adjust His activity to fit our plans. We are His servants, and we adjust our lives to what He is about to do. If we do not submit, God will allow us to follow our own devices. In following them, however, we will never experience what God wanted to do on our behalf or through us for others. Remember, God is at work around you.”

M: You may be asking yourself if you just read those verses, what is the point of all of this belief then if there is no one who does right. Paul is telling the Roman leaders that there is nobody who always does what is right…all have sinned and fallen short (Romans 3:23). That’s why we need Christ. He is the reason we are not hopeless. The key themes in Romans, which is one of my favorite books, are that all people are in need of a relationship with God. God has prepared for that relationship through his own sacrifice. Faith is the requirement of that relationship. Forgiveness is available from God for anyone. Does that answer your question? Some of my favorite verses that I can totally relate to Paul are Romans 7:14-25.

7/16/11

M: Something really interesting occurred to me at 3:30 am when I woke up. Call me when you can. Jesus is totally romancing you right now, and it’s so much fun to watch. His gift is worth far more than $860,000 that the call from the so-called Publisher’s Clearing House offered you last night…and the best part is there are no strings attached! He’s too cool. I just love Him!

R: LOL. He is awesome! And it makes me happy that he pointed that out to you so you could tell me. I think it’s the greatest thing in the world.

M: It makes my day! Smiling from ear to ear, and I was just telling Him in a joking way, although half serious, that I’m jealous for His attention that He’s given you. He! He! And you’re right. It’s the greatest thing in the world.

R: LOL. But he is allowing you to give me that attention so really you are getting the attention first hand. Wow, I love it when someone tells me I’m right, especially a female because I know that’s rare.

M: Oh my goodness…you are so right. I just got God bumps. He’s using you to point important things out to me as well. How awesome. I honestly love falling in love with God all over again every day. I know He’s allowing me to be a part of a miracle, and that’s a priceless gift.

R: Yes it is, and I’m so happy that he is allowing you to do this for me.

M: Well, I’m so happy He’s put you in my life. Cherish the blessings and love Christ is pouring over you right now, and bask in the warmth of His amazing gifts and glory.

R: I’m so glad that he’s allowed you in my life also.

M: Thanks. He never fails to dazzle me. Try not to be so afraid of being human. Jesus was once…

R: I have a feeling that today is going to be filled with all kinds of surprises.

M: Me too! I know it is…and I can’t wait! Man, I just came across these verses, and I’m sure you’ve heard them, but maybe they’ll have a new meaning for you today. John 8:34 says, “and the truth will set you free.” And John 14:6, Jesus says, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

R: They don’t have a new meaning but I can believe them with total truth now.

July 17, 2011

M: It’s nice and peaceful outside this morning. So, is today the day you accept that you’re human and how much Jesus loves you?

R: I think that yesterday was that day. I mean, He did slap me in the face with a great big hello there. I am after I said that he really has not done that right?

M: I thought so too. So you’ve waved the white flag and surrendered  and said I need you Lord Jesus?

R: I waved the flag and said, I hear you Lord and believe…

M: That’s mind blowing, isn’t it? I’m praising God and did all day yesterday. I have really enjoyed spending time with you. I can promise you He will always have your back, will never leave you, and thinks you are absolutely precious even when you mess up. You are a child of God, and just think…your new life just started yesterday. Kind of boggling…

I think what’s so interesting about being on the other side of disbelief is that once you are, there is absolutely no denying the truth any more. You just know in your heart His love is real and the impact of what He did. Would you agree?

R: It is when you put it like that. I am really happy that God has allowed you to be part of this.

M: Oh me too! I got to watch a miracle unfold before my very eyes! Life doesn’t get any better. That’s for sure.

R: Yes, I can’t put it any better.

M: I love feeling God’s genuine joy!

R: You say it doesn’t get any better, but it will.

M: Oh yes, it definitely will. As Christians the Bible says we can expect a rough road here on earth, but heaven awaits, and it’s going to be a blast!

R: Yes.

M: “For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18. I would recommend reading John, then Romans and then Ephesians again in that order with your new heart. Curious what your insights will be.

This is also a verse that has gotten me through some tough times, and it’s easy to remember because it sort of rhymes. “He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress. I will never be shaken.” Psalms 62:2. Okay, I’ll stop bombarding you now. J

R: Okay, but I can’t do it now.

M: No of course not…I mean over time silly.

R: LOL. If I was not getting ready for church I would jump right into it.

M: Cool. Well, holler at me later. Going to try out Bible Baptist this morning. Enjoy chuch.

R: If you feel like you’re supposed to tell me something tell me. I don’t consider that bombarding.

M: Okay thanks. I hesitate saying this…but you are sweet.

R: Why do you hesitate to say it? And why am I sweet?

M: Because you said you’re not, but I think you were joking. And I know you are because I noticed that about you in a few groups with Paula when you were helping Caye and Dana…and you’ve been such a good friend to me. Seems like you’re always reaching out to others and offering your support and help. That’s sweet and kind. You have a sweet nature about you.

R: I think I’m blushing…thank you. I’ve realized that by helping others I help myself, even if I don’t realize it at the time.

M: So true!

R: You are sweet too, and I can’t thank you enough for letting God work through you to help me.

M: You don’t have to thank me. God is the one who orchestrated it all and made things happen. I’ve just been along for the ride, and my heart is elated that He let me be. It’s only just the beginning, and He has plans and work for you to do what He decided a long time ago in advance. Now that’s something to be excited about. All the glory be to God!

R: J J J J It’s awesome! Jesus is my Savior!

M: That’s awesome, Robert!

R: Yes it is.

Our Heritage and Inheritance

Mornings are my favorite time of the day. Not only is the air breathable and cool, but I get to sit outside and hear the birds, watch Emmaline (my 7 month-old Yorkshire Terrier) play, look up at the clouds, watch the gorgeous sun yawn and stretch its legs, and spend some quiet time with my gracious Heavenly Father.

I’m in a Bible study currently at StoneWater Church called, “The Inheritance” by Beth Moore. It’s fascinating that God has made us, who love and have a relationship with His Son, to be co-heirs with Christ and heirs of the most magnificent inheritance I could ever try to imagine.

But to go back and read where that inheritance began - in Genesis - proved eye-opening this morning. A few things stood out that I’d never thought about much before, and it left room for me to ponder. The first and most important being: Genesis 1:26, “Then God said, “Let US make man in OUR image, in our likeness…”

This shows us that Jesus and the Holy Spirit were with Him in the beginning. He doesn’t say, let ME make man in MY image. Pretty awesome!

The other verses that stood out to me were Genesis 1:4, “God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness.” I wonder if it’s a reference to good and evil because He knew that even though He created man in His image, left up to man’s own devises and choices, man would be darkness in the world.

And then He designed the sun and moon, Earth, stars and other galaxies. Makes me wonder why He chose us for Earth out of all the other planets out there. (Personally, I’ve always loved Saturn, but who am I to question God?)

It’s also curious that God created the birds of the air and creatures of the sea and land before He created man. That tells me He loves animals very much. I don’t want to speculate too much, but I suppose He had to create things for man to rule over and not the other way around, even though plants and animals were created first. Everything that God created, He looked at, “and saw it was good” except for man. On the day when He made man, the Bible says, "He looked at all He had made, and it was very good."

But, man is of more value to God than anything else that He created because we alone, in all creation, are capable of a personal, loving relationship with God.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

A poem: False Promises

By Melissa Wren

Why must I sit on shattered sands of restless seas?

Each grain of beach passes through my hands.

Why does the sunshine grace my fingertips,

like lips of love songs sung so sublime?

The whims of fantasies, false promises

Do as they please, stripping me of dignity.

Why do the sparrows sing as they do?

They see much more than I have a clue.

With each storm of change comes clouds of doubt

The pandemonium I can’t live without

False promises pan out the way they do

With God’s great mercies to see me through.

Great Expectations

What in the world do I have to complain about? When I sit down and make a gratitude list, I can easily fill pages of blessings that God’s given me. So why do I get disappointed when things don’t go my way? Because I’m self-centered. Because my needs aren’t met. Because I don’t get the result I fantasize about in my mind. Because I invest more faith in men than trusting God. And perhaps because my expectations are too great.

Not getting what I think I want always comes back to selfishness and the need to revise and manage my expectations. I’m reminded that I need to evaluate my insecurities, as well as my role in contributing to the desired or undesired result. How did my actions and unrealistic expectations create a flow of misinterpretations to my brain?

I’m not suggesting that I shouldn’t ever have expectations about an event or a family gathering or a friendship or relationship or job or whatever it might be. I’m merely saying I need to understand how much “self” influences the reality of the situation and realize the world doesn’t revolve around me and my every desire. My focus should be on pleasing and honoring God and putting others first.

If I were to care more about how another person’s needs might be fulfilled, how to make their day, and how to pour my love out to them, I imagine that my own “Great Expectations” would no longer seem that important. I’ve seen God demonstrate His greatness in mind-blowing ways that have nothing to do with expectations I’ve created. I just have to put self aside and allow Him to do His work in me.

Put the Past to Rest

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” Isaiah 43:18

Have you done things in your life that you still feel guilty about? Things you haven’t been able to let go even though you’ve turned them over to God.

If I’m ashamed of something, I know that I’m not going to be able to accept God’s best for me if I don’t take Him at His word when He says He’s forgiven me for something after I’ve asked Him to. He’s constantly refining me with fire, carving away at all the nonsense in my life to make me more like Christ.

Therefore, I must move on after I’ve laid things on the table for Him to take away. I can’t rely on my “feelings” or else I’ll never “feel” forgiven. I have to trust that I am because He says so. And God doesn’t lie.

God slowly reveals Himself to me during my trials and in times of pain. It’s as if He doesn’t want to overwhelm me with all that He is at one time, and so He lets me in on a little at a time, making me long for more.

The past is the past. It’s a part of who I am, and I’m thankful for it because it’s brought me closer to Christ and given me a relationship with Him I never knew was possible. The past makes me completely dependent on the Lord. The past causes me to be passionate about the present. And now when the past pays me a visit – because it’s been put to rest – it’s enlightening and exciting. It means God is up to something good.

Poem: Mysterious Ways

God Moves in a Mysterious Way

By William Cowper in 1767

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants his footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines

Of never failing skill

He treasures up his bright designs

And works his sovereign will.

You fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds you so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.

His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err

And scan his work in vain;

God is his own interpreter,

And he will make it plain.

God's Domain

“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to test all of you as a farmer sifts his wheat. I have prayed that you will not lose your faith! Help your brothers be stronger when you come back to me.” Luke 22:31-32

I’ve had my face in the mud this past week…or mud on my face. Literally. Satan’s had his way with me, sifting me like wheat.  And I haven’t been on my knees while praying. Oh no. I’ve been face down on the floor, begging for mercy.

I ended up drinking again and decided to go through detox for five days at a treatment center. This is something I hope to never do again. It’s a bit of hell on earth.

This morning I cried out to God, and He’s been good to remind me of what I haven’t lost, no matter how bad things get. Him! He’s been with me, even though I didn’t feel His presence the whole time. I know He never left my side.

Yesterday, He got me home safely, as I drove four hours through the most beautiful parts of Texas…past so many wineries, breweries and liquor stores I finally lost count.

I’m relieved to be home again, in the home He’s provided for me, even though I only got three hours of sleep last night due to anxiety and fibromyalgia pain. At least I had my passive exerciser to get my blood circulating, an Epson salt bath, a warm robe, and the most comfortable bed on the planet. Plus, I didn’t wake up with crickets all over my floor or one staring me in the face on my pillow, like the morning before.

Thank the Lord He hasn’t kept the ending to things a secret. If I focus on this during these trials, how can I not weep for joy, knowing eternity awaits and this suffering is for His good in me?

“Satan does nothing outside of God’s domain, and God uses Satan to advance the cause of his kingdom.” Max Lucado “When Christ Comes”

Reasons for our Trials

The Reasons for our Trials

By John McAuthor

1.   To test the strength of our faith

2.   To humble us

3.   To wean us away from worldly things and ways

4.   To call us to heavenly hope

5.   To reveal what is really in our hearts and who we really love

6.   To value blessings from God

7.   To enable us to encourage and help others

8.   To develop enduring strength and for greater usefulness

9.   To chasten us and push us toward perfection

We should face trials with:

-      A joyous attitude

-      An understanding attitude

-      A submissive will

-      A believing will

-      A humble spirit

My Idea of Heaven

“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

Living with God in heaven forever is our victory over death. God prepares our hearts for what is to come. Three months ago I did a six week Bible study with Bille, my exchange student from Germany, called “Heaven” by Randy Alcorn.

Not only did this study exhilarate us, bring us closer to each other and God, and help us become more comfortable praying out loud with one another - we both learned so much about what the Bible says about the present heaven. It’s helped comfort me when I think about my own “death” and to imagine all the phantasmagorical things my dad must be doing right now.

Not all that long ago, there was a time when I knew of heaven, much like I knew of Christ, but it was more of a “head knowledge.” Now I have more of a sense of heaven in my heart because God’s revealed a tiny bit of insight through that Bible study.

I had this naïve view that we would just sleep all the time and/or float around on clouds playing harps and singing hymns I don’t like. Boring. I don’t like to admit this, but I almost didn’t look forward to this place the Bible calls heaven because nothing about the idea I had in my finite mind thrilled me. I can be so simple-minded.

I’ve often asked God many questions, such as: How can life get better than my best days here? How can I possibly have a job I’m passionate about and be equipped to perform it to the best of my abilities? How can I be expected to be excited about a place that doesn’t have the same comforts I do now?

God’s answer seems to be: why do you think so little of me? Thank goodness I’m not in charge of the universe, even if I seem to forget this at times. My idea of heaven would be pretty pitiful.

Right before he died, John Newton, the author of the infamous hymn “Amazing Grace” wrote, “I am still in the land of the dying; I shall be in the land of the living soon.”

Benefits of Illness

“God would prefer we have an occasional limp than a perpetual strut. And if it takes a thorn for Him to make his point, He loves us enough not to pluck it out.”
Max Lucado

Here’s something I never thought I’d say a year ago: I’m thankful for the health challenges God’s given me.

I wouldn’t have a relationship with Christ without illness. I’d have the head knowledge that He died for my sins and everything I learned growing up in church, but I wouldn’t know Him as a real person. Someone who set me free of my old ways and helped me understand that He’s all I need. Illness has forced me to recognize that God’s always with me, whether I acknowledge Him or not.

I continue to ask the Lord to give me the motivation and desire to read His word every day. I'll admit that often times, especially in the past, I've found the Bible a bit dull. God’s been faithful to answer my prayers and open my eyes to the beauty of what’s in His Word.

The Bible is the most exciting book I’ve ever read, and it’s come alive for me. I’ve been blown away by how much God speaks through it and how it applies to my life. Anything we can ever imagine doing is found in these pages.

I’m not too concerned at the moment about being free of illness. The Lord will heal me when and if it pleases Him.

If you aren’t ill, try substituting the word “illness” with another word that represents a challenge in your life. Where would you be without it, and are you thankful for it?

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
Romans 8:18