“If you think you are strong, you should be careful not to fall.” 1 Corinthians 10:12
I made a mistake. After a year and a half of sobriety, I failed. I did not plan to leave my house at 8:45 pm to buy a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and cheap French champagne. I’m still in shock I allowed myself to do it. I only made a small dent in the vodka, the champagne going untouched because a friend came by and took it away.
It never crossed my mind to drink until the afternoon when I returned home after traveling three days to and from south Texas for my grandmother’s funeral (nine hours both ways). I felt victorious in God’s strength to resist the temptation to drink. I drove past many liquor stores on the way back from a doctor visit, praying for the strength not to go in...believing there was no way God would let me. But ultimately, the choice was mine, and I made a poor one.
I’ve never really needed a reason to drink. I knew better. And the fact remains there is no explanation good enough to take a drink if you’re a drunk. No amount of family drama or a death in the family or physical pain or emotional turmoil justifies drinking. Especially if you’ve spent 14 years of your life consuming an obscene amount of wine and a painful 18 months in recovery trying to get your life back.
After I stopped on April 4, 2009, I didn’t think I’d ever drink again. I refuse to waste time feeling sorry for myself, beating myself up and believing the lie that Satan would love me to accept – that all hope is lost.
Recently I read an outstanding book called, “The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life,” by Hannah Whitall Smith. This is what she had to say about failures:
“A sudden failure is no reason for being discouraged and giving up all as lost.”
Saying I’ll never drink again is as foolish as saying I’ll never sin again. It still remains a day-to-day battle. I trust God has a purpose for it, and I will continue to learn and grow from this experience.
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